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LoveBeing single isn't easy, but finding love again can be

Getting over heartbreak has never been simple. Actor Jiah Khan, who committed suicide last week following a breakup with her actor boyfriend, is one among several young Indians who struggle to accept that their relationship didn't make the 'ever-after' cut.

Psychologists say one failed relationship doesn't mean your chances of finding love again are doomed. Accepting its end, analysing what caused it to sour, and figuring how not to repeat past errors is the three-step route to having fun while being single, and bounce back in the dating game. Here's some advice.

Enjoy the single status
Your married/committed friends will admit that they miss being single. There's no me-time left. No more late mornings or watching what you want on TV. So take a cue. Start enjoying being by yourself again. Don't spend your days longing for a relationship when you could be out having fun alone. Watch your favourite chick-flick. Even if it's for the hundredth time. No one's counting.

Get out and prowl
Step number 1 towards meeting Mr Right (or Mr Right-now) is getting out of your comfort zone. Yes we know that you have your 10 pm date with Patrick Dempsey. But, really? Wouldn't you much rather find your own McDreamy? And that's not going to happen if you are at home during peak party hours. Invite your friends. The more the merrier. Once you get over the awkwardness of meeting new people, you might find someone you share a chemistry with.

Dress the part
How are you going to feel excited about the night if you don't have the right dress, shoes, accessories and make-up? Beaten down jeans and faded tees look good on treks, not at clubs. Treat yourself to a manipedi and a new hair cut. It will keep you confident about meeting strangers and flirting with them.

Be patient
Those movies where the girl steps out into a bar and meets her future husband don't tell the whole truth. The girl was probably partying for months before she ran into the guy. It's not going to happen the first time you step out. You will meet men who are just not right for you. The idea is to move on to the next one. If you are running out of men in your circuit, cast the net wider and join a singles group. If nothing else, you might find someone with whom you can share a few laughs about dating.

Take off the pressure
All the men in the world are not potential partners. Some are just friends to hang out with. It could be a co-worker, a platonic friend, or even someone you met but didn't hit it off with romantically. They play different roles in your life — companionship, someone who will lend their shoulder — and help you figure who you are and what you want. Nurture these relationships and learn more about yourself from them.

Call him for a drink
We have been brought up to believe that dates mean movies or alone-time in fancy dinners. Well, the rules of the game changed while you were busy in your relationship with the TV. Some dates could simply be sharing an afterwork drink or running an errand together. It takes the pressure off. What it also means is that there's no more saying 'No' to spontaneous invites.

Stop planning
You wanted to be married by 30 and have a child by 34. Where has that got you? In a similar vein, tear apart the check-list for the guy — a car, a house, a job, a future. Just enjoy being with someone. Go to a concert or enjoy pav-bhaji at a late-night eatery. Rejoice in the attention.

Sourse : Times of India

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